BDA’s love to talk about things like “teamwork”, “passion” and “self-starter” really mean is:
Teamwork = “someone to take the blame”
Passion = “willingness to work like a horse”
Self-starter = “able to work without any direction whatsoever”
As you can see, you can not take what anyone at a BDA says at face value. You need to assume that they are lying to you and it is up to you to actually de-code what they say.
Here is a GREAT example of BDA-speak:
Help drive results at a leading multinational agency
BDA, an integrated agency, is looking for an enthusiastic self-starter to assume the role of Account Manager on a national account. Two to three years in marketing with prior account management experience is required. The successful candidate will ensure delivery of high quality, strategically sound, response-generating and idea-driven work. Must be client-oriented and have strong interpersonal, problem solving and organizational skills. Ability to thrive in a fast-paced, team-oriented environment essential. Please forward your resume to ..
So what are they really saying here? Here is what I got from reading between the lines, but please add your own analysis. Decoding BDA-speak can be tricky at times.
“Help drive results” to me says - Help us get our projects done on time.
“integrated agency” to me says - full service sweatshop! And you are to become a Jack of all traders!
“enthusiastic self-started” to me says - you will never whine or complain about the work we give you. Work that we don’t give you any direction and you are expected to do in 2 days.
“two to three years in marketing experience” to me says - we are desperate. No one else wants this job, so we will take a Junior person just to have a body in here.
“must be client-oriented and have strong interpersonal, problem soling and organizational skills” to me says - able and willing to kiss my ass and the clients ass. Will do all grunt work as well as pick up my dry cleaning.
“ability to thrive in a fast-paced, team-oriented envionrment essential” to me says - ability to keep their mouth shut, work hard and not try and rock the boat with demands for fair treatment at work.
Brownie points for anyone who can guess WHAT BDA this example came from.
Cossette or MacLaren.
I think the question is which BDA DIDN’T this come from…
Must be extremely flexible (literally). Why you ask? So you can kiss your own ass goodbye. At least the free binder clips make good closures for bags of potato chips (sour cream and onion of course).
Funny post. My guess: DraftFCB
And the winner of the Brownie points is David Burn! YAY!
Alternate translation:
Help drive results at a leading multinational agency
- Ability to harass team members to finish projects in one to two days with no consideration for the contsraints known as minutes in a day or the fact that they have a life and family.
BDA
- I place you swear you want to work at and that will offer you loads of money but is really a soul sucking womb of corporate doucheness.
an integrated agency
- We have an in-house production studio and will do any project because we’re greedy.
is looking for an enthusiastic self-starter
- motivated sucker
to assume the role of Account Manager on a national account.
- bite off ore than you can chew on a large account so someone at a higher echelon has a scapegoat.
Two to three years in marketing with prior account management experience is required.
- You will get paid shit regardless. you need to have a pulse and a face to spit at.
The successful candidate
- victim
will ensure delivery
- again master of harassment.
of high quality,
- fast
strategically sound
- fast and without a brief
response-generating
- that will be exactly what the client ordered you to do.
and idea-driven work.
- that’s only a joke.
Must be client-oriented
- bring your chap stick, there are asses to be copiously kissed.
and have strong interpersonal,
- people skills are not interpersonal skills.
problem solving
- blame delegation
and organizational skills.
- Own a Blackberry and look important.
Ability to thrive in a fast-paced,
- you will not have a life.
team-oriented environment essential.
- people that will hate your guts.
Please forward your resume to ..
- Joe Nelson AKA the psycophant responsible of carrying your soul into Hades.